I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
