I'm really into asian looking animals
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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