Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
