Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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