i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
