I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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