I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
