i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
