my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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