I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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