We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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