I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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