i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
