I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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