playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
