the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
they're like a gay fantastic four
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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