We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
