batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
