Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
