The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
