i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
