what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
