im having a threesome with these popsicles
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
