I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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