Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
