Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
