You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
