im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
