I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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