Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
