Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
