Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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