dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
These tits shall not be calmed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
