I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
