I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
