Only a mothe r could love this liver
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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