i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
