I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
