I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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