What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
