I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
