Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
