Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
