Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
