Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
