I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
