legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
