This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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