he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
