just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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