Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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